Respect Training For Puppies and Adult Dogs

By Michele Welton. Copyright © 2000-2018

Meet Kathy Armstrong and Jake

Dog owner calling me about behavior problems with her dog

Frustrated dog owners often call or email me when their dog has behavior problems and needs training. Here is "Kathy" calling about "Jake."

I often get phone calls from distressed owners who are having trouble with their dog.

Let's listen in on a phone conversation between myself and a typical dog owner.... let's call her Kathy Armstrong.

Kathy: "Michele, my dog Jake is being difficult! I can't make him do anything. He only listens to me when he's in the mood."

Me: "I see. Would you say Jake is behaving rudely?"

Kathy (surprised): "What do you mean? How can a dog be rude?"

Ah, how indeed! Let us count the ways!

barking dog

Talking back

Me: "Does Jake sass you back when you tell him to do something? Does he bark back at you?"

Kathy: "Well, yes, sometimes. If he doesn't want to do something."

Grumbling when annoyed

Me: "Does he ever grumble at you when you wake him up? Or when you try to move him off his favorite chair? Or when you reach toward his food bowl while he's eating? Or when you touch some "sensitive" part of his body, like his tail or stomach or paw?"

Kathy: "Yes, he does growl sometimes, but he's just telling me not to bother him."

bad dog behavior

Hanging onto objects

Me: "Does he brace his legs and refuse to let go when you try to take something away from him?"

Kathy: "Yes, if it's something he wants to keep for himself."

dog misbehaving

Pestering you

Me: "Does Jake persistently nudge or pester you for attention when you're trying to read a book or talk on the phone or visit with guests?"

Kathy: "Yes, when I'm not paying attention to him."

dog steals food

Stealing food

Me: "Does Jake sometimes steal food off your plate when you leave it unattended? Does he get into the trash?"

Kathy:: "Um..."

"Getting back at you"

Me: "When Jake doesn't get his own way or when he's upset with you, does he ever "act out" by chewing things up or peeing somewhere in the house?"

Kathy: "Why, yes.....I think he does it to get back at me."

dog won't come when called

Staying just out of your reach

Me: "When you reach your hand toward Jake, does he sometimes dart away from you, keeping just out of reach?"

Kathy: "Yes, he does....he doesn't want me to catch him if I'm going to put his leash on or give him a bath."

dog runs away from you

Running away from you

Me: "When you catch Jake doing something wrong, does he run from you? Does he lead you on a merry chase around the house or yard?"

Kathy:: "Uh-huh. So he can't be scolded. He doesn't always come when I call him either, unless I have a cookie."

dog barks at people

"Telling off" strangers or other dogs

Me: "Does Jake decide who's welcome in your home and who isn't? Does he bark or grumble at visitors even after you've let them in? Does he pitch a fit when he sees another dog?"

Kathy: "Well, if he's excited... or if he doesn't like them..."

dog jumps on people

Jumping on people

Me: "Ah, and if he does like them, is he calm and polite? Or does he jump all over them?"

Silence. Then....

Kathy: "I'm beginning to see your point."

dog with his head stuck inside a flowerpot

Me: "And you said he only obeys when he's in the mood.

Kathy (sighing): "You're right, Michele. Jake does do quite a few of those things. But are they really that bad?"

Why rude behaviors are bad

Me: "I'm afraid so. Those behaviors are rude and disrespectful. If a dog is allowed to do things that are rude and disrespectful, he starts believing that he is higher in the pecking order than YOU are."

Kathy (puzzled): "And the pecking order is...?"

Me: "It's like a ladder of hierarchy. Dogs are sociable animals who like to live with other sociable animals in a group or pack.

This "pack instinct" is built into your dog's genes, and it's a good thing. It's the reason dogs fit so tightly into our families.

You see, when a dog joins your family, even if your family consists only of a single person – YOU – a pack is formed.

Oh, yes, in his mind it certainly is, and his instincts compel him to seek out its structure. Who are the leaders, and who are the followers?

I'll give you a hint.....whoever is allowed to set the rules and make the decisions are the leaders.

The rest are the followers.

dominant dog holding owner on a leashIf you and your family members don't establish yourselves as the leaders, your dog may try to assume that role himself. His instincts tell him, you see, that a pack should have a leader.

And now you will see some of those "rude and disrespectful" behaviors. Your dog isn't really being rude or disrespectful. He is simply carrying out his role as a leader – making decisions about which of his behaviors are acceptable. Since you haven't assumed the role, HE has done it."

Kathy (anxiously): "But I don't want to rule over my dog. I just want him to be my friend."

dog doesn't like baths

If your dog won't "let" you bathe him, the relationship between the two of you needs to be changed.

Me: "Kathy, friends are equals. Jake is your dependent. He depends on you for his health, his safety, his very life.

There are times when you need to do things with Jake that he doesn't understand and doesn't like.

For example, you might need to give medicine that tastes awful.... or take something dangerous out of his mouth..... or roll him onto his back so you can remove a tick from his belly.

dog doesn't let you brush his teeth

If your dog won't "let" you clean his teeth or take something out of his mouth, the relationship between the two of you needs to be changed.

Jake may be smart, but he doesn't understand that medicines will help him, that some things he puts in his mouth could poison him or choke him, that ticks carry disease.

Without this knowledge, Jake can't know what's best for him.

For his own safety, your dog must always accept YOUR greater knowledge and judgment.

For your own peace of mind as your dog's guardian and caregiver, you must feel confident that you can restrain and handle him in any way you see fit, at any time you see fit.

dog doesn't like being brushed

If your dog won't "let" you groom him, the relationship between the two of you needs to be changed.

If your dog won't accept minor things such as clipping his toenails, or cleaning his teeth, or sitting quietly while you attach his leash....

If your dog barks back at you, or pesters you constantly for attention, or won't shut up when people come to the door, or won't come when he's called....

....then he's certainly not going to accept some major things you might need to do with him to take proper care of him.

You simply cannot take proper care of your dog if he doesn't recognize that you are the leader and he is the follower.

Kathy: "But I'm worried that if I take charge all the time, he'll resent me."

Me: "Oh no, Kathy, he'll respect you.... and that is a wonderful thing!

When your dog recognizes you as a capable leader worthy of respect, he will behave beautifully for you – and also he will feel happy and secure, because it's a great load off his shoulders.

Let me explain why follower dogs feel so happy and secure

dog pays attention to owner1. Follower dogs feel secure because they know someone else is in charge.

Your dog craves a leader who has everything under control. Then HE doesn't have to worry about trying to figure out our complicated world.

Follower dogs can just relax and enjoy life while YOU handle all the decisions.

2. Follower dogs feel happy because everyone likes them.

Since follower dogs are so willing to listen to you, it's easy to teach them good behaviors.

People appreciate well-behaved follower dogs and are quick to pet them and compliment them. Dogs love this kind of attention.

3. Follower dogs feel secure because they've learned the consequences of everything they do.

Follower dogs have been taught which behaviors bring them praise and petting, and which behaviors bring corrections.

This clear distinction helps them choose which behaviors to do, and which behaviors to avoid.

Dogs love the security of knowing what to do and what not to do.

dog sitting4. Follower dogs are happy because they've learned what our human sounds mean.

Like anyone who learns a foreign language, your dog feels confident and empowered when he understands what you're saying.

If you want your dog to be a follower.... you need to be a leader

Kathy: "Okay, I like the idea that Jake will feel more secure when I teach him to be a follower dog. But why do I need to be a leader? Won't he learn from me if I just love him? Don't dogs want to please the people they love?"

Me: "Surprisingly, no. Dogs treat "love" and "respect" different. They love unconditionally, but they only want to please people they respect.

If your dog is doing any of those behaviors we talked about earlier.....if he's not listening to you....then you've lost at least some of his respect, and you need to know what to do to get it back."

Kathy (resolutely): "I think I understand. Tell me what to do!"

Me: "Just follow the step-by-step Respect Training program in my books. If Jake is a puppy (2-18 months old), the book you want is Respect Training for Puppies: 30 Seconds to a Calm, Polite, Well-Behaved Puppy. If Jake is an adult dog, check out Teach Your Dog 100 English Words.

You'll learn how to teach Jake to be a respectful follower dog and then he'll pay attention to you and do what you say. Exactly what you've been looking for!"